It takes a Village to Raise a Child... and Save a Life #SuicidePrevention

'It takes a village to raise a child.'

The above is an African proverb that talks of the value a community lends to the upbringing of a young child. It can be seen from an extremely literal lens in how everyone may need to chip in for an individual child when their parents are away at work or can be viewed from a more broader view, seeing how a child imbibes and learns from what he sees all around him.  

Over the years, I have often found that this gem of a proverb applies to so many aspects of our lives. It goes well beyond a village and well beyond a young child too. Raising children is no child's play and no matter how confident you seem, you are never really prepared for it. The same truth applies to helping someone suffering from depression. 

Just as it is with raising a child, you are never really prepared as a family member to deal with depression all by yourself. Ironically, in a world as connected as we are today, we rarely step out of our way to actually be there for others in their times of need. It is so much easier to talk of our hatred for a different religion or ideology at the dinner table and local social media group than it is to actually ask for direct help when the one you love is going through a dark patch.

How can you - as a neighbour, a friend or a family member - help a family dealing with someone suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies?

1. Have a kind word for the family when you cross paths. Do not make them feel like outcasts. Let them know someone is happy to see them.

 

2. Invite the family to social events and help them connect to others in the community. This will benefit them in multiple ways - it will once more help reduce the sense of isolation and loneliness they feel as they focus on their suffering loved one while also offering them the chance to make and strengthen bonds, thus offering them multiple avenues of support during tough times.

3. Two heads are better than one, ten more supportive than two. Nobody is born prepared to deal with their loved one having suicidal tendencies. Even in trying to do what is best for them, we may screw up (the commonest error in India being avoiding seeking medical help for mental health). This is where voicing your fears aloud to others can help as others can offer advice. Yes, this advice can be a double edged sword with the wrong group but then, that is where you need to use good judgement and trust in science over all else. 

 

4. Helping the person suffering from depression realize that others want to be there for him/ her also opens up another welcome door of communication. We need to accept that sometimes the affected individual would be more comfortable talking to an absolute stranger about what is in their heart, hurtful as it is to the one who is devoting their entire time to looking after the one they love.

5. Aim to involve the affected individual in group activities. This is a tricky situation undoubtedly which requires coordination with the family members. Someone suffering from depression should never be forcibly rushed into rejoining a party and pretending to smile and laugh just so that we can pat ourselves. 

 

6. Help out with unrelated tasks. To help a family with a member suffering from depression, you do not need to be extremely personal or help directly with the member to be of help to them. Got a car? Ask if you can get some groceries for them on your way back from work. Good at cooking? Offer to cook and bring dessert for them the coming weekend. Simple gestures can ease the family's stress and burden.

7. You may not realize it but a single person from the community around can be the difference between life and death. Everyone comes to the community table offering different skills and mindsets. Engaging the sufferer in a new interest maybe the perfect mental distraction needed, giving them time to slowly deal with the pain within while also bringing a genuine sense of curiosity into a life they were turning their back upon.   

8. Another key advantage of a community looking out for a troubled individual is that the others may pick up warning signs that the weary primary family member  may miss. 

Do not be lulled into thinking this article is for someone else. With over 264 million people officially diagnosed as suffering from depression and over 75 percent in middle and lower income families receiving no medical treatment at all, you already know a family like this. They can be in your neighbourhood, in your lane, in your apartment complex... in your house.

In a year as unprecedented as this, the number of individuals suffering from suicidal tendencies has risen to terrifying levels (globally, it was one suicide attempt every 40 seconds & 800,000 deaths by suicide annually before all this began, to give you perspective.)  In these tough times, we need to doff the fake masks of strength we wear and allow the flawed versions of ourselves to be seen and embraced. Offering or seeking help in today's world is still seen as a sign of weakness today. It should not be, now more so than ever.

The truth is, we need one another, now more than ever. The path to depression is barely a doorstep away, literally a sneeze away for many in these pandemic times. We need to work together, bonding with kindness instead of our usual ties of communal or political ideology. 

In the end, it takes a village to raise a child... and save a life as well.

“We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.”

- King T'Challa, 'Black Panther'

Author's note

Every year on September 10 - World Suicide Prevention Day, I write on the topic of Suicide Prevention. 

The theme for suicide prevention for 2020 is 'Working Together to Prevent Suicide'.

Till date, the articles I have written on #SuicidePrevention include

• My Friend, Are You Thinking of Committing Suicide. (2014)

• This is Not How My Story Ends. (2015)

• Inspirational Celebrities Who Almost Killed Themselves in their Darkest Moments (2016)
• How to Help a Friend Who Shares Suicidal thoughts on Social media (2017)
• Lessons We can Learn from Celebrities who Battle Depression (2018)
• 100 Ways The World Tells You We Cherish Your Presence In Our Lives (2019)
• How can you help a family dealing with someone suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies? (2020)