Five Minute Friday (FMF) is a writing prompt started by Kate Motaung wherein every Friday, a word is given and you write for five minutes on it. It allows you to be creative or just write your heart out as I have below. To know more about FMF, you can read about it here.
Her post dealt with sacrifice in love. But this was not about the hurdles within a relationship. Rather it dealt with giving up on the person you love because you feel he/she deserves better and you are unworthy. You know your flaws too well - be they physical or emotional - and you care about this person so much that you don't want him/her to end up with you when there are so many better options available.
It surprised me because I know exactly how that feels. I've been there. I've been there so long, I probably have a duplex apartment there. And some very nice people I know reside in that same township of self-doubt too.
My 2 cents: The people I try to help out online are absolutely lovely people who have lost in love and suffer the various stages of heart break and self-doubt. They feel they are unworthy or may never find that love again. And yes, they fear they may not deserve it either.
They see it through their eyes. I see them through mine and invariably they are good people - beautiful, lovely souls - who would make wonderful partners in a relationship. And yes, they are all flawed. Just as you and I and everyone else is. Flaws make you human. They make you relatable.
Remember this: What you consider flaws, others consider beautiful. What you consider beautiful, others consider flaws.
For example, a super traditional, extra pious woman who makes a perfect chapati and fasts on every religious occasion would be an ideal woman for millions of Indians. I would be intimidated around such a person.
One, two, even half a dozen failed relationships do not make you unworthy. Braces, failed marriages and the zeroes preceding the decimal point in your bank balance do not determine your worthiness in love. They just mean you haven't found the right person yet. And remember, in a world of a billion, you just need to find one who matches your wavelength.
To the right person, your imperfect looks, your quirky personality and your emotional baggage will be worth investing in.
It comes down to YOU accepting your flaws AND THENbelieving realizing that you are STILL worthy of being loved, flaws and all. Give it a shot.
I think you will find that life has a way of surprising you in ways you never even dreamed possible.
And that's my five minutes on Friday. You will find other bloggers' take on the word 'Surprise' here.
This week's word prompt was: Surprise.
A fellow blogger buddy's post came to mind when the train of thought for this post began.
Anyway, here goes.
Starting my Clock NOW.
Her post dealt with sacrifice in love. But this was not about the hurdles within a relationship. Rather it dealt with giving up on the person you love because you feel he/she deserves better and you are unworthy. You know your flaws too well - be they physical or emotional - and you care about this person so much that you don't want him/her to end up with you when there are so many better options available.
It surprised me because I know exactly how that feels. I've been there. I've been there so long, I probably have a duplex apartment there. And some very nice people I know reside in that same township of self-doubt too.
My 2 cents: The people I try to help out online are absolutely lovely people who have lost in love and suffer the various stages of heart break and self-doubt. They feel they are unworthy or may never find that love again. And yes, they fear they may not deserve it either.
They see it through their eyes. I see them through mine and invariably they are good people - beautiful, lovely souls - who would make wonderful partners in a relationship. And yes, they are all flawed. Just as you and I and everyone else is. Flaws make you human. They make you relatable.
Remember this: What you consider flaws, others consider beautiful. What you consider beautiful, others consider flaws.
For example, a super traditional, extra pious woman who makes a perfect chapati and fasts on every religious occasion would be an ideal woman for millions of Indians. I would be intimidated around such a person.
On the other hand, a free-spirited woman who loves to dance in the rain and is a couch potato who binge watches on English sitcoms would be considered a woman who has forgotten her culture. I would do a happy jig to have such a person who matches my crazy/lazy.
One, two, even half a dozen failed relationships do not make you unworthy. Braces, failed marriages and the zeroes preceding the decimal point in your bank balance do not determine your worthiness in love. They just mean you haven't found the right person yet. And remember, in a world of a billion, you just need to find one who matches your wavelength.
To the right person, your imperfect looks, your quirky personality and your emotional baggage will be worth investing in.
It comes down to YOU accepting your flaws AND THEN
I think you will find that life has a way of surprising you in ways you never even dreamed possible.
*****
I love the image of the type of life partner that suits you! It's what makes each of us unique, right? We find what works for us and then work with that together. It's the beauty of any relationship :) Completely empathise when you say that we must realise that we are ourselves worthy of being loved. Always.
ReplyDeleteExactly. It isn't necessary that what I consider bad need necessarily be bad for someone else.
DeleteYou make so much sense Roshan. It's the good and the bad in us that sets us apart, that makes us who we are. And it is the entire 'package' so to say, that someone falls in love with. Loving your own self gives you a better chance at love - that is so true.
ReplyDeleteTrue.. we keep worrying about how the other will react once they realize we are flawed when we should first accept that we are all flawed. It is the whole package that matters in the end.
DeleteTrue that. It all boils down to you accepting yourself the way you are and never forgetting that you are worthy of love and happiness in life! People may or may not accept that... that's their choice, and you have to make the choice to stop being your own enemy.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it is hard for people who have lost in love or who see their flaws magnified to feel that way. And that's part of what this post is about - accepting the flaws.
DeleteReally loved this rebuttal to "Why I love being a sacrificing lover.."
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense, and that post spoke about sacrificing as a virtue of love. But after reading this, something strikes my mind- Not every failed relationship should make you bitter and sad. Not every break-up should make you feel bad about yourself. You shouldn't put the blame on yourself always, just because you feel that your bae was the best. There could have been many reasons, and not all of them were you.
New life lesson learnt, doc. Thank you :)
hahaha :)
DeleteSo you did identify your post :D
And yes, I always wanted to write this to you but never got around to it (life, huh :) ) This felt like a good way to finally get it out.
You wrote all that in five minutes? Wow! You written it so beautifully. And coming to the topic of love, I have been there, done that. There are few people who embrace you with all your flaws and imperfections. They are the real keepers.
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly I did get it in 5 minutes. Edited spelling errors after that.
DeleteAnd I so totally agree... the ones who know your flaws and accept should be a constant part of your life.
Absolutely true that failed relationships do not mean someone isn't worthy of love. But I can see how anyone would feel that - after a series of bad relationships, a sort of self doubt does settle in. During those times, everyone needs a friend who can pull us back up. After all, even failed relationships teach us a lot.
ReplyDeleteOh, I get intimidated by those super traditional type too. They get a bit judgmental about those not like them. Of course I may be generalizing, but still.
It is common for so many to feel insecure even with one failed relation. They wonder if it was them, what they did wrong and whether they are worthy.
DeleteI always feel that a relationship teaches you something - even if you make mistakes, it offers you the lesson so that you know not to make the same mistake the next time.
And yes, while it may be generalizing, I too fear the super traditional :)
Beautiful Roshan.....the last lines about life surprising us is so true.....most of the times all we need is for someone to show us an actual mirror and nit the imaginary ones we put in front of us....
ReplyDeleteThat is so true. Just someone loving us for who we are can raise our morale and make us feel so beautiful within.
DeleteBeautiful Roshan.....the last lines about life surprising us is so true.....most of the times all we need is for someone to show us an actual mirror and nit the imaginary ones we put in front of us....
ReplyDeleteWow! Your thought process is crystal clear and i agree with you totally! There is some reason in all that happens to us though we don't realise it then. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks... glad to see great minds think alike :D
DeleteBang on. In the five minutes you wrote, you spoke my mind. Accepting self is the first step to anything in life awesome. What a lovely lesson to remember this Monday morning.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't easy when we are down, I know. Which is why I feel we owe it to ourselves to help those who feel that way realize that they are not alone...
DeleteBeen there! Overcame that. And yes, there will come a point in life when you now and understand that you deserve so much better. I could resonate with your post and yes, Roshan. I hope you get the perfect match of crazy/lazy :)
ReplyDeleteBeen there... overcame it to some extent only. But I persevere. And I know helping others who are in stages I've been in before helps a lot too.
DeleteThis makes a lot of sense! Opposites always attract and it is the opposites in their behavior that brings variety and fun in our lives. Love starts by accepting another person as themselves and not trying to change them.
ReplyDeleteAll sorts of weird permutations and combinations work if we only allow them to... if we only look to accept the other person for who they are and love them for it rather than seeing the flaws as minus points
DeleteI. Simply. Loved.Your. Post.
ReplyDeleteAnd you wrote all of that in 5 minutes! Wow! Loads of sense it makes to accept ourselves flaws and all and love ourselves a lot! Also loved learning about the kind of crazy partner you would like to have by your side. Doc, hope you find one of your dreams!
Thanks Shilpa :) Yes, I am known for writing fast though I did edit errors and all afterwards.
DeleteSigh... I hope my crazy is finding her way to me too!
I. Simply. Loved.Your. Post.
ReplyDeleteAnd you wrote all of that in 5 minutes! Wow! Loads of sense it makes to accept ourselves flaws and all and love ourselves a lot! Also loved learning about the kind of crazy partner you would like to have by your side. Doc, hope you find one of your dreams!
You know there was a time when I was full of self doubts and I still am, but then it was another level altogether.. And it was love.. true love that became my saviour! I never knew it before I experienced.. And that's the magic it has, it teaches us to love and be loved with all the flaws and accept them for who they are..
ReplyDeleteJust 5 minutes, and you have all our bloggers heart out in your post! Brilliant!
Cheers
oh I totally agree.. in the end, love will save the day. And it will teach u that you dont need to be perfect to join the club which is one of the biggest lessons anyone can learn in life.
DeleteBeautiful, Roshan. In my experience, the first step to finding the One is to accept yourself, flaws and all.
ReplyDeleteI love that you could come up with this priceless piece of wisdom in 5 minutes. I hope the blogger who inspired this reads this and realizes her own worth.
I actually thought of this post around the time she had written her article. i just never got around to doing it. This challenge gave me a good chance to say what I thought needed to be said. And yes, she did realize it was her as you can see from the comments above :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDo you really believe in Love?
ReplyDeleteIn 5 minutes you actually weaved magic!
The Solitary Writer
I really do believe in it cause I have experienced it :)
DeleteMaybe not recently but still once is sometimes all we get...
Doc, bingo! We can do with some fair amount of happiness. I've been through that! yes, I love free spirited humans:)
ReplyDeleteConsidering we bloggers have a fair share of the public viewership and an audience, I wonder sometimes if we don't have a responsibility to undo the negative damage done by the media in spreading mistrust and sorrow...
Delete