My Friend, Are you thinking of committing suicide? #SuicidePrevention

"I don't want to be around her right now. Listening to her sorrow will spoil my mood. Her depression is contagious."
"If she wants to come and talk about it, nobody is stopping her. But I am not going to go and ask her!"
"Yes, I know she was going through a bad phase but I did not think she would try to commit suicide. I mean, come on, ya. It was just a silly break-up! Some people just don't know how to handle life."

Think carefully.

• Have you ever uttered any one of the above phrases? 
• Have you ever watched a friend suffer and walked away, not wanting to have to bear the burden of listening to their story?
• Have you chosen not to be around someone who was sad because you did not wish to spoil your own day?
• Have you lost a friend to suicide?

I cannot judge you if you answered "yes" to any of the above questions simply because that would make me a part of the cycle I wish to break. So no accusations, no finger-pointing. I just want to share with you my own two and a half cents on how you can save the life of someone you know.



1. Look beyond the mask:
Do you know someone who fits any or a combination of the points below?

Image Source: here

Somebody whose smile you believe is a false one, struggling at the edges to hold on and vanishing the moment they believe no one is watching? Somebody who has lost something important to them in life - a loved one, money, health, a job, an exam? Perhaps more urgently, have they given up even the pretense of a fake smile? Do their words seem to focus more on the lack of a reason to continue on; a preoccupation with death?

This is important because four out of five people who commit suicide give clear warning signs prior to the attempt. You can identify them. You can save them.


2. Involve rather than isolate:
I cannot stress this enough. I understand how you feel that listening to someone who is sad will spoil your day. So here is my counter-argument: If you truly believe that someone's depression is a contagious entity which will spoil your day, surely you must also believe that your happiness is just as contagious and can make someone else's day better. Don't walk away from someone who you know is suffering inwardly. Spending ten minutes with them today will cost you nothing... but your selfless gesture may give them the will to last one more day.

3. Talk frankly:
Talking to someone who is mentally teetering on the edge of suicide is one of the hardest conversations you will have, especially if it is someone you care about and you have no solution to their aggravating factor. That is okay.
Don't talk about the weather and the sports game and walk away, thinking you have done your part and they should have opened up if they wanted to talk about what was in their mind. Actively bring up the topic.
Ask them how they are doing. Let them know you are aware of their pain and they don't need this mask around you.

What truly lies behind an "I'm fine."

If the warning bells in your head start ringing, do not back away but ask the all-important question:
"My friend, are you thinking of committing suicide?"
You would be surprised by how many would frankly answer in the positive, if they were just asked this question.

4. Listen rather than solve:
We may not be able to provide solutions but we can always provide support. Listening to them talk will not make you feel suicidal... but it will unburden the pain in their heart and you become the new voice of reason here, their own voice blocked within their head.

5. Do not mock their pain:
They don't need you to tell them they are being silly just because they lost in love or an exam. Do not belittle them. Our feelings are always relative. What may seem like a usual failed teenage love story to you could mean the world to them. Not getting a seat in the entrance exam may not be a big deal to you and I with our decades of life experience behind us but to them, it may feel like the end of their life's goal. Belittling someone's mental anguish is the saddest thing you could do to them.

6. Do not guilt them:
One of the commonest mistakes you will make is to use guilt as a defining factor to short-circuit their sorrows.
"Think of your parents."
"Suicide is a sin. God will not grant you entry into heaven."
No. Stop that line of thought! Shaming someone who is standing on the edge only further reminds them of how they are 'a failure and causing more suffering to others' by their deeds. Debating the value of their life is not a solution, no matter how many times it may seem to work in movies.

Image source: here

7. Show them they matter:
Most people who attempted suicide spoke of how they did not really want to die. They just wanted to 'be wanted'. This is where you truly come in. By showing them that you value their presence in your life. Be kind but firm. Remind them why and what you value in your friendship with them.

8. Take away any means of suicide:
If you know they have come in possession of a possible source to end their life (eg: drugs, a weapon), do not hesitate to confiscate it. I know this goes against the whole "be kind" principle but it is necessary. Do not leave them alone but get them to a safe place where someone who cares for them (a parent, spouse, loved one) can keep an eye on them.

9. We will see you tomorrow:

"We'll see you tomorrow" is the campaign of "To Write Love on Her Arms" for National Suicide Prevention Week.

This sentence is so simple and yet I find it so profound. I honestly would ask you to end your conversation with anyone with these words. You see, as we have noted earlier, we never know who is wearing a mask to hide their pain. We don't know who is at the edge of the cliff, wondering if tonight should be their last night on Earth. By simply reminding them that we are looking forward to seeing them tomorrow, we open up a door that they have closed - we show them that somebody does care for their presence.

Somebody cares for their story and that somebody is us. 

Image source: here

10. Come back the next day

Because it takes more than a few minutes to stop the flood of emotions within them. Because the tendency for suicide will return. And so will the sense of loneliness. But most importantly, because you are a true friend. And you want your friend to survive.

Give a friend the gift of hope - hope that there is a tomorrow. That there is a day called tomorrow wherein his/her life can still change and become better. That there is a tomorrow where his/her life will make a difference for someone else.  

Authors note:

It took me two hours to write this. In that time, 180 people around the world have committed suicide. Nearly 8,00,000 people successfully commit suicide every year and it remains the second largest cause of death in age groups 15 - 29. And each death could have been prevented if just one friend had taken an extra few moments to let the victim know that their lives mattered.

Last year, for #SuicidePrevention, I had written a post for the person who was feeling suicidal reminding him/her that "This is not how my story ends." This year, I wanted to turn the focus to the other side of the table - the ones who see someone suffering. The ones who can make a difference. 

You.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Updated (March 2017)

Every year on September 10 - World Suicide Prevention Day, I write on the topic of Suicide Prevention. 

Till date, the articles I have written on #SuicidePrevention include

• My Friend, Are You Thinking of Committing Suicide. (2014)

• This is Not How My Story Ends. (2015)

• Inspirational Celebrities Who Almost Killed Themselves in their Darkest Moments (2016)
• How to Help a Friend Who Shares Suicidal thoughts on Social media (2017)
• Lessons We can Learn from Celebrities who Battle Depression (2018)
• 100 Ways The World Tells You We Cherish Your Presence In Our Lives (2019)
• How can you help a family dealing with someone suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies? (2020)