The scheming doc

Authors note: This post was chosen as one of the winners of the #KannaKeepCalm contest held by Blogadda.


Can you feel the change in the air? That glorious moment when we stop bleeding blue and develop new shades of yellow, violet and even florescent orange within our blood. That moment when Anderson and Pollard are suddenly our chaddi-dosts and we pray to Joginder Sharma (the pagan God of Cricket, for those who don't know) for the early dismissals of Dhoni and Kohli.

Yup... IPL is back.

Of course, you guys are so lucky! You can cough over the phone and tell your boss you're feeling sick and need to go to the hospital to see a doctor. But what about me? I am the doctor in that hospital! I can't pretend to be sick and fool the doctors here... there are consultants in the hospital with more alphabets in their degrees than VVS Laxman's full name! I mean seriously... the last doctor who rejected my fake illness plea had this board outside!!

"Dr Rangaswamy Ramanujan Ka Beta Ramanathan KarriappaCurryflavor Toddylingappa - BAMS, MBBS, MS ENT, MS Surgery, DNB, FRCS (Edin), FRCS (Dhobighaat), KBC (Amitabh), BBC, RBC, CNN, IBN, APPLE, WIFI Available."  

Anyway, as an anaesthetist, I have to stay back till the cases get over which often means missing out on the Maxwell pyrotechnics or getting to see Sanju Samson do 'da Mallu'!
If I do somehow get to sneak back home in time, I have to deal with family members who need to watch the evening tv serials - you know the type of serials! The shows where the mother in law is killing the son in law because she is convinced her inlaws are outlaws thus making herself an inadvertent outlaw because she schemed to murder her inlaw.
If I escape that, then there is the final hurdle: THE DOG. I've sat Snoopy down and tried to explain to him that I come home from work very tired and all I want to do is lie down and watch TV. All he wants to do is play fetch with his favourite ball... over and over and over again. Do you know how tiring that is for a certified couch potato who just wants to stare at a screen and shout at Ishant Sharma's wayward deliveries in peace?

As you can see, it's not easy being a doctor. So many hardships... so little time. Especially when that signature trumpet call of the IPL begins! So how do I tackle all these difficulties and still watch Preity Zinta's dimples broaden into that cute smile when her team hits a six?

Ab ki baar Preity Sarkar ! Sigh... if only we were
so lucky! 

This is my fool proof triple play which has worked so far this IPL...

1. Cases in hospital: For all cases after 3pm, I choose the patients most likely to be fellow cricket enthusiasts. I then convince them that spinal anaesthesia is awesome for them since they will be pain-free and still get to stay awake and watch the match via my mobile using StarSports.com's live streaming option. Once I have the patient on my side, the surgeon has no option but to let me watch since it is THE PATIENT'S DEMAND!
End result? Well... I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

2. Family: At home, it's a lot trickier to get the remote and change the channel from the serials to cricket. That's when I need to use my skills honed over years of practise. No... not my medical skills but my bribing skills. I bribe all at home by doing the cooking and cleaning for dinner plus finding out the timings for reruns of their 'wonderful' (cough cough wheeze cough) serials. Thus like the IPL teams, I too am now a master of strategic time-outs and innings breaks.
While Sidhu says 'tok tok tok' to the drummer, my parents are busy saying 'cook cook cook' to me.
Strategic time-outs are as stressful for me as they are for the team coach: it's obviously for cleaning the dishes so I have to read the bowling team's mind and eat accordingly or else end up waiting another 45 minutes!

3. THE DOG: Of course. This is the ultimate test. That dog is so... umm... 'dogged' when it comes to chasing whatever is thrown. You think I'm joking? We tried to throw an empty paint bucket out last week... it's still at home because somebody thinks we are playing fetch with the bucket!!

Here you go! Let's see how far you can throw it this time!!

Nope. For the dog, you need to use your brains... and I know I have more brains than him (after all, I am leading 5-3 against him in all chess matches played this year). So like all the greats of yesteryears (Yudhishtra, Krishna, Gulshan Grover ), I use subtle deceptions to fool my dog. I place a leash around his neck. I'm too lazy to hold on to the end but he doesn't realise that somebody needs to hold it now, does he?

So far away! How do I reach all the way there 
when I'm obviously tied down??

When all the deceptions and tricks are in place, then I finally lie down upon my favourite couch and get back to doing what I do best... cursing every shot made by Kohli and invoking every superstitious belief in my armory to make sure my sons of the Punjabi soil Miller and Bailey finally help them win an IPL tournament!

Do you atleast now realise how tough it is to be a doctor in today's India? We have to deal with so many hardships, cook food while Ajay Jadeja dances with cheerleaders, clean the dishes as per the whims of Gambhir and Rohit Sharma and fool an animal with pretty sharp teeth who - like a mob boss - will not be afraid to use above mentioned WMDs (Weapons of Meat Destruction) once he realises he's been tricked.

Even when these tricks fail every once in awhile, I still have the backup plan of watching the match FOR FREE and getting live commentary from the new StarSports site which is pretty awesome since it also allows me to watch the cool moments from the days gone by so far in the IPL, whether it be Tambe showing his worth with a hattrick or Lynn and that ridiculous catch!!

Now if you all will excuse me, I have to deal with my next patient. She's sixty years old. Hmm.. "Aunty. How would you like to watch people as sexy as Shammi Kapoor in Teesri Manzil running back and forth around green pastures while surrounded by 11 dancers in dinchak yellow dresses? Oh, you would like it very much?? That's great aunty. Have I got the right anaesthesia for you..."

My name is Bravo... Bravo ki jawani...

Author's note:
This post is a part of Cricket just got better! Activity by starsports.com in association with BlogAdda.com.