We'll make him do it.
It's okay, if we continue, he'll back down.
He won't ever raise his hand or his voice.
Even if he fights, once we fight back, he'll look for a peaceful compromise.All of you know someone like this. I see one everyday. Me. I keep convincing myself that by compromising, I'm doing the right thing. That turning my back to a fight makes me a better man.
But the truth is it matters only in a civilization which is 'civil'. In a land of thugs and liars, being good is equal to being weak. It's a land where the simple act of drawing a chair back for a girl to sit is considered a sign of weakness. Chivalry is considered a lack of manliness.
It's a land where even when people get caught for rape and murder, they don't break down and confess like we've seen all our lives in movies and books ; they just speak of their contacts and wealth and how they'll get out of trouble.
Knowing a good man gets you nowhere. Knowing a ruthless politician or murderer makes you 'powerful'.
There is no shame of being guilty.. if anything, there is a pride for their invincibility. For long I believed in my own lie that by not harming others and compromising, I am being an example. But I'm just a relic of an era that's gone by. To survive, I need to give up who I am.
Every year end, I look back on the year that has passed. I see a few happy memories, a few new friends... but the sad memories outweigh the good. The memories of people taking advantage and backstabbing. Of people knowing I'm the one who can be cheated easily. Again. And again.
I don't consider it a crime to believe in the good of people. It isn't a crime to believe in the 'beauty of a random kind act' like all the videos we post in Facebook tell us. It isn't a crime to be naive like me. Heaven knows I'd prefer to have friends who are naive rather than people who use brute force.
But it is a crime not to learn from the past. To believe in the good of people even as they continue to cheat you. There are no magical moments of revelation when they realise the error of their ways and look to turn over a new leaf.
They are who they are... And it is time I stopped being who I am.
There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to stop being a goody-two-shoes and let the claws out.
You can't let a naive person survive in this world ? So be it.
But the truth is it matters only in a civilization which is 'civil'. In a land of thugs and liars, being good is equal to being weak.
ReplyDeleteAPPLAUSE !
www.deepakkarthikspeaks.blogspot.com
Very strong!! Can feel the frustration.. From my experience I can say life'll be better when you start saying no to people who take advantage...
ReplyDeleteThat's your anger talking, Doc! If you change your niceness for others, you won't be able to face yourself. An unkind gesture will hurt you more than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteYou should rather just try to stay away from people whom you perceive to be back-stabbers. Sometimes you would make a wrong judgment, but with time you will learn. I'm sure you already have.
So relax and be who you are. A tad of smartness would be more than enough :)
Agree!but why loose you r own morals in this rat race??Iwould suggest jus be a little more smarter so Atleast no one can take advantage of you!!Rest everyone has to pay for their own deeds!!
ReplyDeleteDeepak... its the truth, man.
ReplyDeleteRohan, sometimes saying no isnt enough yaar.
Nisha, it is my anger talking, I agree. But if I dont change my niceness, I cant stand myself either. Have tried to stay away from such ppl... believe me, it didnt work.
As for "tad of smartness"... sigh.. thats the one thing thats definitely missing for me.
Harman, I never believed in that last bit.. that ppl pay for their deeds. I've seen too many instances of the opposite happening.. of good ppl suffering and bad prospering..
ReplyDeleteThere is good and there is bad. If one stops and appreciates the beauty that abounds, it is only natural for him to protest on something that is not as beautiful. Your anger is justified,and sometimes, Gotham does need a Dark Knight to set things right!! Won't give you any saintly advice, but I am assured you will be wise in your actions, and dole out only that which is necessary and will turn the unfair into fair. Good luck against such scum bags, writer! You deserve better :)
ReplyDelete-Ankita
Thanks Ankita.. I needed that.
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of thoughts swimming in my head after reading this. None that I am able to put to words. Sigh. Thought I would just leave a little mark here anyway. To let you know that you made me think of things I didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteSaying No is just a beginning. Anytime when you feel some ones is taking advantage of you, asking you to do something you should know how to say no.. Trust me I have gotten into so much mess just coz i couldn't say no to people.. Am regretting it now..
ReplyDeleteThis is the first step towards feeling empowered and in-control. Applaud you for that.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to get there.I wish there was a potion we could just drink and that would do the trick :)
True!! Its we only who decide whether to suffer or not :) Nobody else is to be blamed :D
ReplyDeletenice and thoughful post
zeba, sorry about that.
ReplyDeleteRohan, you're right. I guess the first step is in saying NO.. just never learned to do it properly.
aishu, it is indeed a first step towards empowering myself... a much needed step.
ReplyDeletechakoli, true.. in the end we are at fault too.. for not standing up against injustice.. compromising isn't am answer den.
Whatever you are , you can never change that , however hard you try . Coz , its not what is happening around you that matters . What matters is what you wish to see . And if you really wish to see the good around you , all you have to do is neglect the bad . Sounds naive but I have found it to be true .
ReplyDeletePS : I come here often . Maybe this is the first time I am enlightening you . I feel so happy .
I get modified like this continuously for the last 2-3 years. Also since my childhood I always wanted to get into business. When you look at business men, bosses etc, you always wonder why they are such assholes sometimes, cunning, taking advantage etc. A certain set of qualities are developed that you refer to that person "He is a businessman, be careful"
ReplyDeleteNow I am almost in a role like that, I realize they were not like that, they got molded like that due to a lot of people around them who were actually trying to screw them!
Dont know if it makes sense, but I can relate to your post and what ever is happening to you is the harsh reality and it is good in a certain way
Hi , I understand where this is coming from , but though i hate to be the pessimist here, take it from my experience - Putting your foot down and saying NO is easier said than done. First instinct of "pansies" (for lack of a better word) like us is to say - "Ok yaar". If its been that way for 25 to 30 years then its one up hill climb to change oneself. Not to mention the guilt, the fear of becoming one of those - i don't help a soul types etc
ReplyDeleteALL THE BEST , You will need it.
I like the change...sometimes we need the strength that comes only from great anger and frustration...you cup brimith, my friend...
ReplyDeletechannelise the anger before it finds ways to be mellow again:-)
all the best-drive out the negative but keep the negative at bay!
Poeple are the typical species whom we can rarely analyse, understand and respond in the right way. Being good is like becoming bad (only sometimes though):)
ReplyDeleteNot learning from past is definately a crime. And I tell you good has always its space (but only to a limit)
OPAL, thanks for coming by and taking the time to reply. Believe me, I expected the same but for once I did stand up to a lot of crap which has been thrown and it has worked. Atleast this time, the dragon had to return back.
ReplyDeleteQuakeboy, I too used to keep looking to reinvent myself every year end.. but I dont think I was ever very successful at it.. this time is different though.
Anon, I agree.. I've said it many times before and never followed up.. but as I mentioned earlier this time was different. Had no option.. there was a real threat to life, both personal and family. Had to evolve this time.
ReplyDeleteSuruchi, you know well what Im talking about. Hopefully I'll succeed in doing your last line.
It's not only about not able to say no. It's about being assertive each time. However, it's difficult to act on sometimes. So I have moulded myself with the motto in life....treat the person depending on the person he/she is .....over the years it's become a little easy to treat deserving people kindly and give back to those who rightly deserve it.
ReplyDelete- Mel
I had to change my concepts a lot with this incident.. the ramifications still remain but I now know better than to blindly concede defeat to avoid confrontation
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