That white lady's lost it !!

I've watched Simi Garewal since Rendezvous with Simi Garewal first aired in 1997. I loved the poise and dignity with which she conducted that show; the picture-perfect sets, the immaculate dressing and that amazing poise of the lady in white. She really turned the style quotient up. Which is why, watching her in India's Most Desirable, I almost feel like shooting the creative directors/producers behind the show. I mean seriously !?! What were you guys thinking ?

Where do I even begin ? Oh ya, let's start with the nymphomaniac alter ego. Whose idea was it to have this 63 year old lady behave like a cringy 6 year old girl called Kiki ? KIKI !!?? Was there a shortage of flirty-girl names that you decided to use the name of what I presume was an Angry Bird mating call ?

And flirting with Ranbir and Shahid Kapoor with that voice...ewwww !! How would you feel if you had Amitabh Bachchan biting his lower lip seductively and telling Kareena Kapoor "Big B loves you, baby. Come sit on my lap like you used to when you were a kid" in a similarly childish voice. Forget the Big B,I can't think of a single incidence in real life where that works ( Wives have to put up with their husbands behaving like immature kids due to that mangal sutra, so that doesn't count. )

Watching her talk like that made me feel dirty. I swear, if my parents walked in on me watching Kiki, I'd rather defend myself saying I was watching porn !! ( cough.. cough.. whatever that is. )

I'm also sure getting a skin care brand to sponsor the show of a 63 year old who's trying to be a 6 year old was a brilliant idea, but you know what ? The more I see it, the more I realise the long silences as Simi stares at her guest aren't meant to be poignant pauses...they're just her jaw muscles trying unsuccessfully to fight the botox and show a smile.

And what happened to the dresses ? She used to look majestic in the earlier show. Now she looks like she's got the same tailor as Cruella De Ville from the 101 Dalmations movie !

If you're running out of white dresses to create for her, may I make a suggestion ? Go for the classics. Cut two small holes in a white bedsheet and make her wear it over her head. That, along with the expressionless smile underneath would make her a shoo-in if they decide to make another sequel to THE GRUDGE.

Of course, getting a crowd along was a brilliant idea. Hey, if it worked for Oprah, why wouldn't it work here ? I just don't get why so many of today's MALE youth feel the need to hug the likes of Shahid and John Abraham. I would readily hug a Sonam Kapoor or an Anushka Sharma, but I don't see myself asking to hug Siddharth Mallya ( kudos to whoever decided he's India's Most Desirable, by the way. When's Rahul Mahajan coming on ? )  Also, I'm not trying to stir a controversy or suggest anything, but why didn't anyone hug Karan Johar ? The guy was genuinely feeling down at times and speaking from the heart and yet noone thought "This dude needs a bro hug."  

Getting a lady with a crystal ball and tarot reading cards was very original too, I guess. I just have one question. Was Dumbledore too busy to attend or did he refuse to return after Kiki hit on him backstage ? I mean, what the hell, man.. this was the same lady who was doing the most dignified Bollywood talk show and you have her playing with cards ? And did I see an episode in between where they were hitting gongs and pressing buzzers instead of just answering yes and no ? 

I'm sorry. I really have tried to like this show but it's hopeless. Between the tarot cards, the Lolita alter ego, the questionable choices for guests, the cartoonish drawings at the end and the frilly dresses, you've lost me.

The sad reality is you've destroyed Simi's 14 year TV credibility in the matter of a dozen shows.

All that's left is for the day to come when I turn on the television and see Simi in a golden tank-top balancing on a unicycle with a beach ball on her nose while simultaneously jiggling away to 'Simi ki Jawani' while the guest Anna Hazare licks his lips in the background waiting for Kiki to appear.