Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...
Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) Madam, your child is almost out. Come on, with a little effort, he'll be out in the next contraction.
Gynaecologist : ( to patient ) If you don't make an effort, we'll have to do a Caesarean operation to get the child out.
Patient : heh...
Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...
Me : ( to God ) WILL YOU PLEASE MAKE HER PUSH HARDER ALREADY !! WE'VE BEEN WAITING AN HOUR IN HERE !!!
God : The God you're trying to reach is presently busy. Your prayer is important to us. Please hold that thought or think it again later.
Me : ( to God ) I KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING !! YOU BETTER MAKE HER PUSH HARDER !!
God : ....or ?
Me : ( to God ) or I'm gonna keep singing Rebecca Black's Friday.
God : .........
Me : (to God ) I'm serious.
God : .......
Me : ( to God ) It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday
God : ALRIGHT !! ALRIGHT !! I'M HERE !
Me : ( to God ) That really is an annoying song.
God : Tell me about it. I don't know what I was thinking. So what's the problem this time ?
Me : ( to God ) Well, there's this lady here. She's having her 6th kid and she just ain't progressing in labour. We've been waiting for hours now and...hang on a second...
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...
God : "heh" ?!! That's it ? That's the effort she's making ?
Me : ( to God ) I know, right ? I mean, dude !!! I make a bigger effort while trying to touch my nose with my tongue, man !
God : So what do you want me to do ?
Me : ( to God ) Think of that poor child. With all this time being wasted, the risk increases. So I was thinking ,you know, we could do a good thing and get that baby out quick and safe.
God : Oh well. It's a good enough reason. Abraca dabra.
Me : ( to God ) ABRACA DABRA ??
God : My world, my rules.
Gynaecologist : ( to patient ) Try one more time.
Patient : heh...
Gynaecologist : ( humming to herself ) It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday...
Patient : AAAAAAAAAHHH ! I hate that sooooOOOOoOONG !! AAAAAAHH !!
Gynaecologist : THAT'S IT !! PUSH PUSH !
Me : PUSH PUSH !
Patient : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa...
5 Minutes later
Me : It's a healthy boy. Great. Now we can all go sleep in peace.
God : Hang on a second. You were called for a Caesearean. If the child delivers naturally, you don't get paid.
Me : I'll manage. You know me... it ain't about the money. Heart of gold, service to mankind and all that...
God : It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday....
Me : ALRIGHT ! ALRIGHT !! You don't have to torture a guy !!
God : So what's the real reason ?
Me : The thing is if it's a Caesarean, I'd have to change into an operation gown and the only ones available are all small.. I tried wearing them and well, do you remember the movie Karan Arjun ?
God : Yeahh... ?
Me : Remember the loose fitting kurtas Salman and ShahRukh wore ??
God : Yeahh...I thought loose was good..
Me : Yeah, well, mine fits like Mamta Kulkarni's choli.
God :.....
Me : .....
God : So you weren't really praying for the child ? You just didn't want to wear a tight dress...
Me : More like a blouse actually. Besides,it's the ending that counts, you know.
God : You're weird.
Me : Yeah. Well, what're you gonna do about it ? The kid's out, my day's done. Looks like I won.
God : Yeahhh... well, it's the ending that counts, right ? Don't forget that...
What did he mean by that, I wondered, as I left the hospital.
Epilogue :
It's been 2 days since that delivery and I still can't get that damn song "IT'S FRIIIIDAY, FRIIIDAY...GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY !!" out of my head.
DAMN YOU GOD !!! GOD ?? GOD !!! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME !!!
God : The God you're trying to reach is presently busy. Please stay online while we put you on hold.. ( Background music : It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday... )
Me : ( to myself ) Aaaaaaaaahhhh !!!
Author’s note :
The above anecdote is inspired by true delusions.
Bwahahaha.… Ooh really good one
ReplyDeletereally funny...
ReplyDeleteThanks Sinu sir and Khan... life of a doctor :)
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ha :D this was so funny :p :D
ReplyDeleteyou know i love taking deliveries . . . :) totally. Except for the 'push push' part. . . :p
but there is a boy in our batch . . . .Babies jump out to him . . . Really ! No restitution pestitution . . . He just has to stand near the perineum . . . And out comes the baby. . . :/
ReplyDeletejALPARI..Being an anaesthetist, I'm now used to LSCS calls mostly..though recently there was a call for LSCS wherein they delayed to try ( successfully ) for a normal delivery..this was based on that mostly.
ReplyDeleteGosh!!! That's what you get for arguing with a God :P
ReplyDeletelols!! that was funnny!!
ReplyDeleteDenizen..story of my life mate :)
ReplyDeleteRaam Pyari...thanks man.. only partly fictitious..
Lolz!
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard dat song before. . Now I heard it and everythings understood. . Poor god! How much should he suffer!
From the light of experience- U compared labour pain and the misery of pushing during contractions to touching the nose with ur tongue ???!!!! @#$%^&*
ReplyDelete:D
ReplyDeleteRohan...hehe.. It really is an annoying number.
ReplyDeleteAnita ( covering my ears ) in my defence, I was just describing the 'lack of effort' on the part of that particular lady :)
Nags, long time no see :)
I am filled with various emotions all at a same time. Feeling good finally it happened, the way you interacted with God funny, your state of mind... and the songgg!!! I am kind of puzzled and happy!
ReplyDeleteNice work! :)
whoa!!! theme change and all, doctor!!
ReplyDeleteand i hate the font? is that the resident font or u wrote on a word doc and copy pasted it here??
:\
and yes!! Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
choli...reallyyyy?
ReplyDeleteand i thought the butt was the problem area:P
i read this post last night after putting Seeya to sleep but couldn't comment then due to stupid internet deciding to sleep before I do...
however I laughed out so loud at the choli reference that my beloved who was half snoring turned around and gave me the meanest glare that i could see even in the darkness of the room...
and then you say you were miserable!:-)
ROFL post and so glad this came after a spate of serious ones:-)
so have you done something about the gown yet or would god have to pay a visit again the next time around?:-)
Karan, thanks...I guess :)
ReplyDeleteRatzz... thats the font copied from a word doc as u guessed.
Suruchi, the butt is the USP !!
And actually, ya... I have got myself some freesize gowns..only one in my hospital with that colour to make sure they know I'M COMING !!!
Could not stop smiling :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Tan...
ReplyDeleteLOL How you manage these stuffs Roshan :)
ReplyDeleteVery well written,tickles the funny bone indeed.
ReplyDeleteRosh..Gosh!! now thats a neat one!! pleasure reading it..way to go blogger!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'll go back with.. 'Push push.. its a friday'!!hahaha
ReplyDeleteDhanya..just lucky, i guess :) God loves me !!!
ReplyDeleteGyanban, Shalini..thanks
Nisha... as long as u dont start singing it.
hahahaha!!! hahahaha!! Mamta Kulkarni....hahaha! I now have a visual to that thought!
ReplyDeletehe he..!! :-) hilarious..!!
ReplyDeleteDoc that was so refreshingly different.Engrossing delusions.
ReplyDeleteGood One Pytho....
ReplyDeleteNirvana, glad to be of assistance. Mamta would be so proud of having a guest appearance here :)
ReplyDeleteDocPanacea, :)
Alka, thanks.
Mogamboo, hi. Long time no news man.
ROFL ROFL ROFL....
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious :) :) :)
Let of of this kind come...
Shalini,depends on a guys mood too, you know :)
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeletenice one
What a writeup .. wow.. loved it...
ReplyDeleteIts friiidayy... yayyy
sm, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteravindra rajjput...its friday frrriiiiday...Gah !! when will that song ever leave my head :)
I know I'm supposed to comment on the post but all I can think of is the time I was in the labour room & the doc told me to 'shut up'[oh well I was screaming my lungs out]. There was a shocked silence for all of 10 secs and then adrenalin coursed thru me & I gave it my all....I was speechless for the next 3 days;-D.
ReplyDeleteGotta agree with Anita tho@#$%#$;-/
p.s: u knw I just cant believe the lady just said 'heh' all the time;-o
can us heartless if u must, Reflections... we do get rude around our patients after seeing the same thing over and over..not giving it as an excuse, just saying. I know its a magical experience for the mother... but for a gynaec doc who sees around a 150 deliveries a month..kinda numbs you.
ReplyDeleteYa, I'm surprised/relieveed more moms havent thrown stones at me yet..
P.S. She really did...I swear :)
I know and I do understand:-)
ReplyDeletep.s: Alright, alright I'll believe u;-D
( thinks to himself ) Thank God the lady who delivered aint blogging and reading this...she'd tell u she did put in more effort...atleast a "heeeh heeeh heh"'s worth of it...
ReplyDelete