I don't know what hurts more : the sense of loss or the sense of anger at myself for not being there... again.
It's over 2 years since my pet dog Leo died and I wished a lot of things... how I could have been there for him more, how I could have spent more time with him... how I could have shown him how much I loved him.
Today, Ruby, the star of the house lost her second child, Bruno, to a sudden debilitating illness And once more, I wasn't there. Not just at the end, but even before that.
I keep telling myself that my work doesn't give me the time to go home, that life is passing by too fast for stopping for the small things. Much like how Leo's death conincided with an injury of my own, Bruno's death too coincided with an illness in the house. The superstition that "if someone tries to harm you, the animal in the house gets affected first" perhaps again...
There isn't a lot I can say that wasn't said earlier.
It just shows me that I will never learn from my past.
It's over 2 years since my pet dog Leo died and I wished a lot of things... how I could have been there for him more, how I could have spent more time with him... how I could have shown him how much I loved him.
Today, Ruby, the star of the house lost her second child, Bruno, to a sudden debilitating illness And once more, I wasn't there. Not just at the end, but even before that.
I keep telling myself that my work doesn't give me the time to go home, that life is passing by too fast for stopping for the small things. Much like how Leo's death conincided with an injury of my own, Bruno's death too coincided with an illness in the house. The superstition that "if someone tries to harm you, the animal in the house gets affected first" perhaps again...
There isn't a lot I can say that wasn't said earlier.
It just shows me that I will never learn from my past.
Some things are beyond our control-like being at work more than we want to or not being at home as much as we want to!
ReplyDeleteWhat is however-doing whatever we can wherever we are and whenever it may be!
Sorry for your loss Roshan-you being a doctor, would know best that deat cannot be avoided if imminent!
Wish you strength!
My dogs are very close to my heart... and my eyes were misty after reading the last para :(
ReplyDeleteSuruchi, I know it cant be avoided.. I just wish I'd done better while he..they were there.
ReplyDeleteAathira, same... they rule our family.
I remember when my granny's dog Meenu died.. the entire family had to leave behind the sick dog and attend a family function - they were too 'embarassed' to quit attending the function for being labelled as 'rejecting' family for after all, a "dog".. its a pity though - Meenu had to die alone in the house with no one beside.. I was also not in town or I could have stayed behind.. funny however much we love our pets, we still have to go into social pressure :(
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ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss.. Its so sad that in todays world its difficult to take out time for our dear ones.. Pets are so loyal and so loving..!!
ReplyDeleteRIP Bruno.
ReplyDeleteLife's like that, doc. You cant be there each and every moment with those you love the most.
Oh! daz bad.. I know how it feels.. but then.. such things are never in our control.. and yeah most of the times I do feel if someone tries to harm you, the animal in the house gets affected first... seen it happen in many cases..
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear about your loss. I think everybody who works feels guilty of not spending enough time with their loved ones...but some things can't be helped. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI am not a dog lover, but I have friends who love dogs. I can only try to imagine your feelings :(
ReplyDeleteRIP Bruno :(
PS Following your blog now...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. I understand your guilt of not being there.. Sometimes it is for the best..
ReplyDeleteIt's the way of life.. We can't do much abt it.. Just accept it as it comes..
ReplyDeleteAs for the last para even I've experience - once when I was too sick even to get up from bed, my cat that time died. Mom didn't tell that to me and she says I recovered after that!! Even another kitten died during last days of dad.. It keeps happening..
"I don't know what hurts more : the sense of loss or the sense of anger at myself for not being there... again.
ReplyDeleteIt's over 2 years since my pet dog Leo died and I wished a lot of things... how I could have been there for him more, how I could have spent more time with him... how I could have shown him how much I loved him."
You don't know me, but I was trying to look online for comfort over feeling guilty about not being there enough for my dog as I could have...and your words above are EXACTLY how I feel! Words taken straight from my thoughts! I wish I had shown her when she was alive just how I much I love her. I wish I had been there more for her. I berate myself on how idiotic it was for me to choose meaningless activities over spending time with her. We euthanized her a little over 5 months ago. The best I feel that I could do to cope with the loss and guilt is to speak to her. I believe she is in spirit and can understand and forgive. I don't know if you believe in "life" after death, but this is what soothes me. Obviously you are a good person with a good heart. Don't keep blaming yourself, I'm sure your dog would want you to be happy and just appreciate the nice moments you did share and the happiness you did bring. The best we can do is to try to learn from the past, but remember that we are human and make mistakes. I wish you the best of luck =)
Oh wow, I just noticed you're from Kerala. My parents are also from Kerala! From Kottayam and Trivandrum. (I grew up in the U.S.) Interesting coincidence :)
ReplyDeleteJeremiah,DocPanacea,Anita... I know..it isnt something i agree with, but its something we have to do. Cant explain it ...
ReplyDeleteMeety, that theory was there in our house since childhood... and weirdly enough, it has always been true... right up to the site of injury ( leg for leg, kidney for kidney )
ReplyDeleteNilu, Raam Pyaari...thanks guys.
Geeth, thanks.
ReplyDeleteDhanya... as I was telling Meety above, its happened quite a few times in our family...
Nikita, glad you agree...and yes, I do believe in life after death. And I also believe/agree with u in one thing over others - that our pets would want nothing more than to see us happy.
P.S. Glad to hear a fellow Keralaite :)