My God, my prankster.

Out of the 330 million Gods in Hinduism, I'm quite sure, one of them is out to get me. I mean, it seems ridiculous that one man could get into so many embarrassing situations as I find myself on a regular interval. Somewhere up there, there's a God - not the holy trinity, I'm sure, but some lower level God named Prank-a-Deva - probably an unshaven rebel, having a packet of ganja in one of his 4 hands in addition to the mandatory conch, lotus and mace, wearing a leather jacket and having a tattoo on his shoulder saying "Good girls reach heaven. Bad girls stay at my place" - a God who's got my face on his dartboard.

You think I'm exaggerating ? Really ? Then allow me to elaborate.
It's early in the morning, I'm standing with my mom and a crowd of atleast 50, in a place where God and me least expect to meet each other - A temple. After staying up till 3am, catching up on 30 Rock episodes and sympathising ( or is it empathising ? ) with Tina Fey, I can barely keep my eyes open. The fact that I'm shirtless doesn't help. ( Just so we're clear - I have the body of Salman Khan... if he ever got pregnant. With twins. Fat twins. )

So there we are, everyone waiting in silence for the doors to open to get a glimpse of the Lord and discuss their issues and seek his giudance face to face.. and my mobile rings loudly.

Embarrassing ? Oh, you have no idea. You see, let me now show you all the pieces of this particular tableau.

Since I've been too lazy to change my ringtone since my exam ( the time I usually find religion ), the tone for general calls is my version of a religious tone - "Aye Khuda mujhko bata tu rehta kahan kya tera pata." from Paathshala.
What a nice story it would have been had that ringtone rang. All those families would have gone back home telling how it was a sign from God and how touching it was. Atleast I imagine they would have. But then, my luck never works out that way, does it ?

As I said, 6 billion human beings on Earth could have called from their landlines, cell phones or the internet and that would have been the ringtone that played in the temple that morning. Heck, forget 6 billion humans, even if Lassie had accidently stepped on the correct sequence of numbers on his mobile, it would have played this ringtone on my mobile.

Instead, it was a junior I'd chatted with last night who chose, AT THAT VERY INSTANT, to role over in his sleep, and land on the REDIAL button of his mobile. One of 4 homo sapiens in the whole world whose mobile call activates a different ringtone in my mobile. The song that all those families heard as they waited for God to answer their prayers that morning ?
"Maa da Laadla bigadh gaya Maa da laadla bigadh gaya." from Dostana.

By the time, I could get to my phone and cancel the call, I had got my morning dose of sniggers, giggles and even a weird stare from an old lady who looked at the mobile as if it were trying to warn her that I was a demon !! And all those families got a great story to tell their friends and family that morning, I presume. As for me, well, I sheepishly shut my eyes and prayed I was invisible as I completed my rounds of the temple.
Which of course resulted in me stomping on the above mentioned old lady's leg. Boy, I can tell you, for an old lady in a temple, she sure had some pretty impure words to say to me...

Sigh... somewhere up there, Prank-a-Deva is probably mighty pleased with himself, sipping amrit from a beer mug and watching apsaras dance to "Munna Badnaam Hua Darling Tere Liye" up there in heaven. Oh well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"Mein Zandu balm hui daarling tere liye.."

Happy Onam everyone..