Youreallywannamarryme.com

Okay, so here’s the deal. I was browsing through a couple of matrimonial sites ( for a friend, of course ) and I was a bit taken aback by what I saw.

Sample 1 : Our daughter is 26 years old. She is beautiful with fair/wheatish complexion and is excellent in studies. She is Godfearing, hardworking and has a fun loving personality with no mood swings. No bad habits. She is currently employed in a multinational company earning a crapload of money. Her dad is a kickboxer and is very protective of her. Her mom is a retired principal and loves giving impositions. She has two siblings, both in the army and having guns. We are looking for an alliance of same caste with a super crapload earning, NRI boy who’s a doctor/head of company/engineer/astronaut, yet down to earth and will look after her.

Sample 2 : Our daughter is 25 years and 364 days old. She is excellent in complexion and fair/wheatish in studies. She is hardworking by nature and funloving. Very religious too. Absolutely no bad habits or mood swings. She is currently employed in a college that receives funds from a multinational company that earns a crapload of money. Her dad is a principal and mom is a kickboxer who is very protective of her. She has one sibling – he owns a gun. We are looking forward to hearing from people of same caste who earns more than our daughter’s MNC funded college. He should be a /doctor/ down to earth astronaut/ engineer and look after her well.

Sample 3 : Our daughter is 26 years and 1 day old. She is extremely hardworking and very fun loving. She is fair throughout the day and wheatish by personality. God loves her. She has no bad habits and lots of good habits. Her dad is a retired army man who owns no weapons and mom is a housemaker. Her elder brother works in the Gulf, doing stuff which is not entirely illegal. We are looking forward to hearing from like minded NASA working outgoing spacesuit wearing pilots/doctors/engineers of same caste and pincode area , preferably from Earth if not down to it ,who will look after her.

P.S. She is a kickboxer and is very protective of herself. Prone to mood swings.

Fine, fine.. I may have exaggerated a wee bit, but seriously.. how is this gonna help me.. How on Earth does this tell me anything about the girl, that would matter to the two of us ( Please don’t say horoscope – I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna put my life in the hands of some topless dude who’s throwing seashells on a table and deciding my fate by reading them, I’d rather it be dice at Las Vegas than seashells. And yes, “dude” replaced by “blonde” in above sentence. )

But my point is what if I don’t want a perfect girl – where do I go for a normal, down to earth, mischievous girl ? What if I hate class toppers and just want someone like me – someone who loves bunking work to go out for movies, enjoys night strolls and pani puris rather than expensive dinners, loves to cuddle, makes an excellent Malabari biryani and who thinks daschunds are weird looking but still super-cute... kinda like Kate Perry !

What I’m asking is – what does this say about the girl and me in terms of compatibility... all it does is show me there are fish in the sea like me, nothing more. That’s why I’m in the process of devising a fool proof questionnaire that’ll knock the stuffing out of these present silly matrimonial sites and help you find the mate of your dreams.

For now, here’s a sample with my own personal answers..

Category : Education ( No.. I don't want to know your highest degree and % marks in 10th standard !! )

1. · Front bencher or backbencher in college ? ( +10 for backbencher, same pinch!! )
2. · Ever got caught a) gossiping ( + 10 ), b) sleeping ( +10 ), c) playing games during a lecture ( +10) [ - 10 for each category that came negative ]
3. · Well versed in the art of making chits and giving proxies ? ( + 20. Somebody has to teach our kids, right ? How else are they gonna be popular ? )
4. · Class topper ? ( +25, good girl. Your brains, my brawn.. umm, I mean cooking skills – awesome combination )
5. · 2^nd rank in class because the class topper didn’t share her last sheet with you during the exams ? ( + 50.. whaa ? It shows resourcefulness. )

Get the picture ? The other categories are gonna be on equally important stuff like Family Values, Personal relationships, Quirks, Lifestyle, Opinions on entertainment and everyday events and of course... SUDDEN DEATH ROUND !!

So guys and gals, feel free to send in your own questions in the above topics ( you stand to get 0.1 % of the profits, once I sell this to a multinational company for a crapload of money ). On your marks.. get set.. TYPE !!! Will release the final "COMPATIBILITY TEST" soon...

In the mean time, I’ll go flirt in the matrimonial site with SadhugirlXXX... homely in studies and funloving in prayers. Oh look.. her religion is wheat and her personality is God... she’s a Human God.. Wow !! Now that’s a nice change...