Medical memories : Barkout at Mens Hostel

Time : 11pm
Site : Medical College Mens Hostel.
Actors : Me and H, sitting on the balcony of our hostel which faces the main road with V, our batchmate. Now we knew each other only a few months back then but rumour had it that V had connections with the underworld.

Anyway, there we sat, with books open while we discussed , well, gossiped about our fellow batchmates when suddenly a jeep stopped in front of the hostel. Four surly looking older men peeped out from the jeep's various orifices. One of them stared at us sitting in the first floor window sill. In the silence of the night, his words rang out quite clearly to everyone.

Jeep dude : (in an obvious drunken slur ) V !!! You bastard !! You thought you could get away, no ?

V : ( to us ) Damn. This asshole came here also. Mark my words, man. I'll kill this guy one day.
V : Flute you, asshole !! ( He may have said something other than flute, but then I don't use such language. Much. Ok, maybe a bit. Oh, Flute you, mother fluter !! Let me get on with my story !! )
Anyway, the verbal lashing continued in all it's glory with the odd passerby and stray dog watching, besides me and H.
Jeep dude : You pussy !! My dad fluted your mom !
V : Bastard. Your mom also fluted my dad !!
Jeep dude : Don't talk about my mom, asshole !
V : Get lost, you drunk flute !! Go tell your mom to get a life.
Jeep dude : Bastard. I'll see you tomorrow. If you value your life, get the package. ( H figured it was drugs, I figured it was a hidden murder weapon. )
V : Yeah sure ! I know where to find you man.. bastard. I'll get your fluting package and stuff it up your ass.

And just like that, it was over. The jeep drove off and I and H were left sitting on the window sill as V turned to us. Even before V turned to us, both of us got off the sill. ( We later confirmed that the same thought had passed through both our minds : V might push us of the ledge so that there was no human eye witness to testify that he, the underworld don, had been insulted by some rowdy. )
V : Did you guys see that ?
H : No !! No ! I didn't see anything.
Me : I didn't hear him insult you either. Really. You see, I have this ear defect... a moth went in when I was a child.. it's still living in there. I hear noises all the time... but not that guy shouting at you. I didn't hear that.

Strong as my alibi sounded, I was still glad my lies were interrupted by the appearance of a rachety old figure slowly moving towards us. It was the warden, an old thin man, who'd probably have flown away if you sneezed in front of him. Still that ol' walking bone set was heaven to both of us at that moment - surely we wouldn't be killed in front of him ?

Warden : V, I heard some noise. Somebody was calling your name.
Crap ! Just had to bring it up, didn't he ? Now what ? How would we get out of this one ?
V turned to the warden and said in that chilled out drawl of his. "So you could hear it ?" ( In my mind's eye, I wondered how odd it would look when they found our bodies - 2 fat guys and a stick insect washed up on the beach.. the thin guy's body floating like a log while turtles used H and my body as surfboards to teach their young. )
Warden : Yes, it was quite loud. Who was that ?
V looked at us, then at the warden.
V : That was my brother, sir. He had just dropped by to ask for the CD of Kaho Na Pyaar Hai. I told him I'd get it to him tomorrow.

And you know what ? It really was !! He'd forgotten to hand over the CD that night ... what we had witnessed wasn't the prelude to a gang war.. it was just a brother telling the other to get the CD when he came home , with added brotherly affection !!

P.S. With time, we'd realise that V was the ultimate chillout dude ( as was his fluting brother )who loved hyping his "don" image just to spook the others and we'd go on to be great friends and yes, even have a famous adventure together where we would discover a lost land.

Medical college life isn't always about the patients and the books. It's also about all the cool characters you get to meet along the way. I guess I got my share of wild cards too while God was shuffling. I owe you one, Big Guy