Pre-marital shucks

At the onset, let me say, this isn't a funny post. 

It’s time once more for a rant post... you guys know the type... the one where I bitch about something I have and you don’t and I wish I didn’t either. No, not gonorrhoea, wiseass.

I want to talk about post graduate medical life.

Tell me you did not groan. Tell me you ain’t thinking in your mind something remotely like “As if our life after college isn’t hard too.” I mean, ya, I’m sure all your lives have their own shares of hardships too. I can imagine how saddening it is for a Indian airlines pilot ( whose monthly salary is cut down to a measely 3.80 lakhs a month as per new rules from 4.4 ) complaining on how his Kingfisher pilot friends get all the hot airhostesses and he gets stuck with their ‘experienced’ grandmom airhostesses. Or sure, you IT guys and gals ( Ya, don’t look behind you. I’m talking about you – the person on the other side of this screen ) whine about how Benjamin Franklin dollars just don’t have the same homely smell as Indian rupees and how there’s too much transfat in the KFC burger out there in NRI-ville.

Yes, I can see it’s hard for you all. I can go on for ages on how P.G. life as a medico is slavery with 56 hour duties, no/minimal monetary stipend, the constant degradation by seniors who know you can’t fight back even if you’re right because they can fail you for years and years if they so please, the inhuman level of knowledge required .. but I’ll leave that for my autobiography. In fact, in most instances here, I’m gonna try not to pass judgement. I’m just gonna state facts and leave you to form your opinions.

Today, I want to talk to you about an incident that’s going on with a friend of mine. You see, like me, he’s a P.G. He’s getting married next month.

There’s only one problem. As of right now, he doesn’t have leave to attend his marriage !!Of course, I’m sure the girl’s side will be understanding. After all, he wasn’t there for his own engagement for the same reason... no leave.!!

And lest you judge him too early, let me state this – he did not use up his quota of 14 days leave for the year. Rather, leave isn’t being granted because he made a unique mistake – he’s the best in his batch. As a result, his absence will be felt more in the department than say, his lesser working batchmate who’s on marital leave right now as I type this.I spoke with my batchmate regarding the irony/stupidity of the situation and found out my pal wasn’t alone. Turns out there’s been a better case recently down unda’ ( Tamil Nadu, to be precise... ).

You see, my buddy attended the wedding of his co-worker one fine afternoon and then headed off to work for his night shift. Well, can you guess where this one’s going ? Surely not, you say ?

Hah.. shows how much you know about the slave-master relationship that is P.G. life. Yup, who should he find in the hospital doing night duty and delivering babies than the same girl who got married that day. Her staff too were of the post-Hitler Nazi-Indian love children brood and told her she can get married if she wants, but she better be back for night duty in the hospital or else she’d could kiss her exams goodbye for 6 months. Wise or not, you decide, but she went through with it. So her first night ended up being in a labour room filled with blood and babies and placentas... take a moment and imagine for yourself how you would feel if you were in her position, the most important day of your life, the one you’re supposed to cherish forever ( not to forget the one where you get to do the honky-tonky with a guy WITH PARENTAL PERMISSION !!! ).. and instead because someone feels it’s ok to screw around with you because you’re their junior, they leave you on call in a hospital on your wedding night.

Another marital incident comes to mind now that I think of it... a first year surgery resident in a hospital started distributing wedding invitations for his upcoming marriage to his department. How did his department react ? Well, his senior P.G. told him that if he got married, his ward work would decrease as his focus would be on ‘lesser issues’ ( lesser issues like, you know, HIS WIFE ). So he told him to postpone the alliance for 3 years till his P.G. course was over.

No, said the young P.G. ( after consulting a visibly bewildered mommy and daddy and to-be-inlaws. )

Fine, said the senior. And thus, the young P.G. was not allowed to enter the operation theatre for the next 3 months as punishment for getting married.  His entire department ranging from the head of the department downwards kept quiet and allowed it to take place... a silent approval.

As for my friend, I’ve given him a few options.

I’ve told him to consider the ‘Kubool hai / I accept’ phrase over the phone to solemnise the wedding ( keeping in mind that phones are not allowed in the operation theatre for him and his co-residents and so would get confiscated if he’s found talking on it ) . As for the first night, I’m counselling him on the benefits of phone sex , what with my immense experience... cough cough, of counselling sex addicts, of course.

I mean, it’s important for the husband and wife to have good communication skills, right ? And what better way than to start early.

Funny... he doesn’t talk to me much these days since I’ve given my scholarly advice. Something about his fiancé disapproving some of his ‘filthy perverted’ friends.

Sigh... no good deed goes unpunished. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to limp on one leg ( I still have my cool-sounding sacroiliitis...) to my wards and see my patients for tomorrow before my 36 hour duty starts. Heaven forbid someone realise bedrest would be good for my condition.

Someone, like say, a doctor. But gee, where would I find one of those ?