How true this love...

Thendrale - -

It’s often when there’s nothing to look forward to in our present

 that we turn to our past for peace.

How far would you go for the one you loved ?

This isn’t a rhetorical question... I really do want to know. I’m not talking of love in it’s truest form. No giving or taking. No ‘he’d do the same for me’. Just plain and simple judgement calls of the heart. How many of you actually follow them, no matter how far they lead you ?

I used to believe that I really understood the ‘ins and outs’ of love, but as the years have passed, I find my fascination for it decreasing and I find it sad really. I look back across my life and I see so many examples of love from so many people... and I can’t help but remember the moments of love that were lost simply because they were never reciprocated.

Like this song playing here. It’s an old lovely melody from Kadhal Desam. It brings back memories of love for me... not my own but of a girl I knew. She was my batchmate and was in love with one of my batchmates too. Hers was the kind of love that touched my heart from my vantage point. She knew his shortcomings, knew how we all disapproved of him as she was too good for him and perhaps, always knew she was being used by him... yet she loved him. Around us, she was a bear cub, boxing us and pulling our ears. Around him, she was a meek girl seeking approval in any form.

On her hostel day, we guys were also invited to the festivities. We knew she had a program for that day though we didn’t know what. We also knew through the grapevine that it was a dedication for ‘her man’. When the time came, she came onstage with an organ. She took a few deep breaths and then began. She played this song.. “thendralae”. She was not a natural at the organ, but she’d worked her heart out at it. And she did a decent job. Because she was loved by all, not a soul made a comment on the slow song, the long silences or the occasional missed key. We all applauded her as one when she finished. She left the stage happy that night.

The next day, she greeted us in class with the same happiness she always did. And we too congratulated her on her performance, amidst a lot of leg-pulling. She accepted the ribbing well, but only a few of us who knew her well noticed how tight the smile was... a smile I myself had lots of experience gracing my own face. Her boyfriend was inconspicuous by his absence too that morning.

We met her at the dissection hall ( you say dead body, I say gossip table ) and confronted her. And she revealed the truth. After the performance, she’d gone to see him even as the festivities continued that night. She wanted the opinion of the man who mattered the most in her life. He gave it to her.

He told her it was a rubbish performance and insulting to him. He told her that she really should have played something more ‘fun’ and lively, rather than this ‘nothing song’. Moreover, now he couldn’t show his friends his face because he’d told them all she was playing something great for his sake personally. He ranted for 10 minutes. I can imagine she had that timid puppy look all that time. I can picture her saying sorry for hurting him. 

He didn’t attend class just to show her his anger. And here she was, smiling through it all. Helpless as everyone told her how good she was when the one she needed to hear it from ripped her apart.

I'm not ashamed to say it. I and my friends, over the years, tried our best to break them up. We succeeded a year after the engagement as his taunts grew more cruel and his demands, both personal and dowry-wise, grew triplefold. In between, as a girlfriend, she had stooped to washing his clothes and unmentionables, doing his labwork, the odd bruise and yes, even changing her name, to a one he found more acceptable. In hindsight, once love was gone, she realised just how badly she had allowed herself to be treated and how far she had fallen. In the years that followed, her smile reemerged more often, her tweaking of our ears more commonplace. I attended her wedding to a funloving guy 3 years ago and I see her today well settled and I think in my mind 'job well done'. 

Oh, and she’s a wildcat again too.

But the questions remain. How do we lose ourselves in love ?  How do we turn so blind that we ignore the truth and just crave it so blindly ?

I think of my own stories and I can recall a few stunts I’ve pulled in love (walking 8 kms during a bandh to see a girl ) and a few selfless and stupid acts ( the whole of 2005 comes to mind ). But I want to know from you all today instead of just ranting– 

In your lives, what is the one act of love that you have done that you think you could never do today ?