Tourist diary - 1 : Spiritual discrepancies

I don't know what took so long to write. Work kept me lost in her arms. But she wasn't the only culprit. I too was to blame. I needed to recharge myself. They say that you should ideally take a lecture for just 45 minutes because beyond that, the capacity of the human mind to concentrate significantly decreases. For me and other post graduates working 36 hour shifts, to maintain our equilibrium and remind ourselves of what goes on outside, a 7 day parole in 6 months is given. Is it sufficient ? No. Is it mandatory ? Hell no. They'd love it if you forfeited your rights. More importantly, is it necessary ? Hell ya. If you wanna stay sane. Sleepless nights, biscuit breakfasts, mounting stress and endless deadlines and ego clashes.. I needed to... well, I guess the comp term is "delete my temporary files folder."

I'm in my parole period now. I naturally took the chance to leave the city and head back. 3 days gone, 3 days left. I'm in a place that seems so familiar, yet not familiar at all. The city I grew up in too has grown up. 10 storey flats now adorn my rooftop view, in a city which still has to find a decent restaurant. The kids that ran across the street when I left for my higher studies are now getting married, relatives have passed away silently in their sleep as I missed saying my goodbyes to them.
The old bed at home seems familiar, reminding me of many memories that have occured here in the last 16 years. My brother says he can't sleep in this room because it gives bad vibes. He used to put a lot of God photos in the room as a bid to calm the room. The photos remain, my brother prefers to sleep downstairs now. I don't know about vibes, but yes, there are many ghosts in this room.. the ghost of the child who used to study fervently here from his 8th standard onwards; the ghost of the teen who found romance in endless phone calls ( the green phone the only witness left in the room ) ; the ghost of the man who in this room realised that after being the eternal prankster, the biggest of jokes was finally on him by the one he loved. Yes, there are many haunted souls in this room... they all belong to me and greet my arrival with their scalding memories, reminding me of who I once was.

All around me, in this state, God men are getting arrested this month. Frauds, money laundering.. the usual. As always, conspiracy theories are being promoted by their devotees of how one Godman/ woman is trying to 'eradicate' the others from the state. It's been the topic of discussion in many relatives houses I've been to this week, after the mandatory local gossip and tv serial debates have ended. I was bemused to find that the 'biggest hit' serial around these days was based on 'Lord Krishna's adventures in modern Kerala'... modern being a subjective term I realised as the debate continued.
Apparently, in the serial, Lord Krishna appears at the drop of a hat for any devotees with major problems ( like they twist their ankles and can't make it in time for their morning prayers at the temple ) and the 'dirty woman' is one who's pissed with K because after praying so much during her pregnancy, her kid is born dumb. Of course, everything's gonna be fine because everyone of my relatives just know that K's gonna show her how silly she is by giving her kid her voice back once she properly prays at the temple.

I've often wondered how a state proudly boasting 100 % literacy and with 75 % of the population having an NRI connection still fall for this kind of hoodwinking. Because the discussions I was passively involved in actively spoke of how true it all was - that God appears in his original shape and form if you pray at a moment's notice ; how handicapped children can be cured by taking them to a temple. How feeling betrayed by God when your prayers go unanswered makes you a 'horrible' person. More than anything else, it's the false hope it gives that annoys me. This is a state where ayurveda and black magic all have a past, where Gods of all religions have been embraced... but I fear now that in embracing all forms of God, we have left ourselves open to being the victim of false religions and superstitions again. The fear of displeasing anyone connected to God binds us; what if God is watching ? What if we get cursed and our generations are forced to suffer for our pride. It is in this forest of myths that so many Godmen have found roots to grow strong... depending on our natural instinct to place God over sanity; on our hopes of getting God's thumbs up, even if it means giving up our lives earnings. And someday, the shit hits the fan. And they get caught. And a couple of thousand odd devotees are left ruined, financially and spiritually.

This next incident didn't make it to any paper. Of course, it doesn't deserve to be. But it gives me hope. A really famous doc from central Kerala was hunting for a groom for his daughter. As always, horoscopes and star alignments play a big part and so it was after a pretty exhaustive search that a potential candidate was found... 5 hours and 19 hair pin turns away. The initial talks all went smoothly and the 'deal' was almost set. The bride's brother, my friend, was shown around the house. Everything seemed okay till he came to the elder brother's room. There on the wall was his wedding photos.. and a huge poster beside it. My friend silently beckoned his dad to come in and take a peek. He did. They both looked at each other, their faces ashen.

"I have one demand" the bride's father said.
"What ?"
"There will not be any function - engagement or wedding, at Amritapuri."
It was the groom's family's turn to turn ashen.
"But .. but why ? Our elder son got married there and.. well, what bigger blessing than to get wedded by a living Goddess herself."
"There is no compromise on this. The wedding will take place in our home town."
"But why ? Getting blessings from her is equal to getting blessings from God. After that, the marriage is secure forever."
"No, it isn't."
"What ?"
"It doesn't change the course of a relationship in anyway. If it is doomed, then her blessings cannot stop it. Many marriages at Amritapuri have ended disastrously in the last decade. And the biggest shame is, that people go to her to get married saying God is marrying them directly. If so, then how are they failing ? How is it that the hand of God does not have a greater success rate than an ordinary wedding hall priest ?
"These are all tales told to spoil her name.Do you know of any such story personally of a failed marriage from Amritapuri ?"

Of course, they did. They told a story I once knew byheart, but now vaguely recall with so many wild winds having passed me by. But my friend did recall even if I didn't - the innocent beginning, the fairytale quickshot wedding, the truth unfolding.. the lies concealing. He remembered everything, just as his father did, having watched it from afar. And it had scarred him, just as it had scarred me once.. just as it had scarred so many of us back then years ago. And he was not gonna let his daughter suffer.. or be held captive to a Godman's devotees. Even if it meant giving up the rare horoscope that lay at the end of those 19 hair pin turns.


I would like to tell you a shorter story before I end. It is of a 30 year old woman who took in 8 children, orphaned at the age of 2 - 10 years and with no where to go and fed them daily as they grew into adults, never demanding anything. She spent her full day praying, a female saint to the locals. When the time came, she 'advised' them on how to succeed in their respective lives. Each of the 8 individuals followed her advice. From orphans with no cash and just a dog when they left their state, they would all go on to brighter shores, earning well and leading fulfilling lives abroad.

The woman ? Unlike today's Gods, she never took donations. She never drove in a Mercedes Benz or left the small hut that would later be converted into a temple. She didn't have a funny hairstyle or make gold idols for politicians or demand she be called God. She stayed there, altering people's lives with subtle touches and unconditional love. Her 'samadhi' took place more than 3 decades ago, though her temple with the small waterfall still exists, carefully maintained by those who were blessed by her during their lifetime. They still go to pray to her and their future generation ensures that it will stay so. In my mind, she always remains the benchmark of what a living God is actually supposed to be, rather than the present generation of Gods.

Even when I pray in my times of need, before uttering any of the famed squad of Gods my religion provides me, I first call her name above all others. People call me weird and point out how obscure a "God" she is. I am not blind to the irony of my religious beliefs but I don't mind. God or not, If I am alive and living a luxurious life today, it is because of her.

After all, I am the son of one of those 8 children who were orphaned 60 years ago.