My favourite stereotypes

The last week was a character study in the soap opera that is my family.

It started off with a call from home late at night. Dad was suffering from severe acute-onset abdominal pain and blood while passing urine. Geting the history done, I decided it was a case of renal stones. Naturally, I adviced him to consult a nephrologist over there.

The next morning, the scans and tests revealed that indeed there were a couple of stones which would require surgical intervention. A tentative date for the coming Tuesday was set. And then, the 'Radhakrishnanisms' began.

I played true to my nature. I'm known for springing surprises on people. Impulsive by nature, my decisions are often made on the spur of the moment. It's often worth it when it works to see the happiness on people's face, though when it flops, it looks downright dumb ( waiting in the rain for hours at end to surprise a girl I liked at her tuition centre... only to find out she'd bunked for a movie that day. Sigh, you kids are so lucky to have mobile phones and keep in touch these days, I swear !!! )
I didn't inform my parents - borrowed cash, just went an' got a ticket for home for Sunday, cashed in my holidays for the first half of the year ( that's 7 days, including Sunday, mind you. ) After all, what's the point of holidays if you ain't gonna use it when it matters most, right ?

Mom played true to her nature. She searched her big book of prayers and found the "prayer for health in acute illness" mantra ( I don't know if it was more specific like the "prayer for reduction of left ureteric calculi to be heard by Lord Narayana while he's lying atop the 5 headed snake Shesha." ). Anyway, she went earnestly at it. At least, she followed one thing I said and started giving my dad lots of fluids. ( Flush that skanky pebble, Bisleri !! I know you can do it. )

Dad played true to his nature. He called up all his friends for alternative therapies. Being a doc, it's highly embarrassing when your parents prefer to try anything except your brand of medicine, you know. Seriously, how would Bill Gates feel if his dad used Linux.. ouch, kick in the cojones !!! It's a goddamn wonder I'm not into therapy (... yet. )

Anyway, I was packed by Saturday morning. I had 24 hours duty that day which meant I'd have to pray nothing came at 7 am the next morning as I rushed across Pune to Mumbai to catch my flight. Holi would be with those gorgeous Deccan Air air hostesses ( it's not like I'm getting any colour inside an operation theatre anyway .) so there was something to look forward to in mid-air atleast.

Finally, God played true to his/ her nature. Saturday morning, while I'm at work, mom calls. "The prayers worked. His pain has gone. No need for an operation." I went like "Ummm.. perhaps we should do another scan before deciding that. It could get worse if we delay it for later." "No, no. It's gone altogether. See, the power of praying.. I knew it would reduce. " blah blah... It was two deaf people talking to each other. I wasn't convincing her, she wasn't convincing me.

I called up Dad. "It's ok, son. I've been taking this Ayurvedic medicine. That's how it reduced."
"How long have you been taking it ?"
"2 days."
"Sigh.. Acha, it takes months for ayurvedic drugs to act."
"Well, this one worked fast. Must be a new drug." ( Funny, considering that ayurvedic drugs were supposed to be all about 'OLDEN time' drugs. What is this - the "DJ Aqeel Ayurvedic remix" drug ?? )
"Don't worry son. I'm going to Kuthuparamba this Sunday to meet a doctor there."
"Thank God. Urologist ?"
"No, he actually has this mystical power. He makes a concoction that's sure to work in 3 days flat. It's his talent. 100 % guarantee."
".... "

Conclusion ? The operation is cancelled, of course. Dad has probably got his magic potion by now, though to be fair, the pain has gone suggesting the stone has too. I've cancelled my trip home ( which you guys know about, but my parents don't.. it's better that way ) and as for, Holi, the festival of colours.. I saw red all night with the peculiar shade of blood and guts carrying me through the hours till I got to sleep at 6 am the next morning due to an interesting combination of emergencies. This was probably meant to be a lesson in the "don't count your chickens before they hatch/ look before you leap" genre, but you know what - that's a lesson this old dog just doesn't learn.
After all, unpredicability's my stereotype, right ?

P.S. In case you're wondering why my laptop features in this post... well, I got a few messages demanding/threatening(?!) /asking what I named her.
Well, I've given it a lot of thought and after rejecting Consuela Vineta, Chiquitita & BananaHammock, I finally decided to go with Swmnbn . No, it's not Swedish.. it's just short for She Who Must Not Be Named.
What do you mean, copyright infringement ?