My Majestic Strut

Well, you see, Div, I was abducted by aliens yesterday.. yes, little green ones. I escaped by jumping off the spaceship while they were slowing down to avoid a plane. I must have grazed my back while falling.
No, what if she's one of those weirdos who doesn't believe in aliens ? Then she'd think I'm crazy. Hmm, make it something Indian. She'll fall for that.
It's a little known secret, Div, but I'm actually part of the royal family of the ummm.. Guatemalaean- Kannurian dynasty, travelling in hiding for fear of assassination. It's because I'm trained in the ways of the royal family, somethings can't be hidden.
Naaa. She could probably check with her parents and they'd confirm that Guatemala and Kannur had very few relations..damn you, Kannur. Fine, they say mix the lie amongst two truths.. lets try that.
See, Divya. I was going to the temple for a pilgrimage and uhhh... I was attacked by the last of the living tyranosauras rexs' which had accidently stumbled upon me while I was praying. Well, we fought and if you think this is bad, you should see him.
He he he. That might actually work, you know.
Really ?
NO, YOU MORON !!!!!

"Yoo Hoo. Roshan ? Roshan ?"
I turned. The girl at the door was staring at me.
"Huh ?" I asked.
"I was asking you why you were walking so stiffly ? What's wrong with your back ? "
Dammit. Think fast. Tell her something, Mr Creative.

"I uh.. sprained my back rolling in Guruvayur temple. " Nooo....Not the truth, you idiot !!!!!
"You sprained your back doing a shaina pradishinam ?? I've never heard of anyone doing that !! "
"I.. well, I had to go fast. There was this guy beside me and he was rolling really fast and I had to keep pace to avoid him rolling over me. "
"Did he hurt himself too ? " There's your opening. Go for the sympathy, man.
"No, he overtook me on the turn actually." Wha ..
"Boy, he must have been really fit and athletic, huh ?" Yes.
"Actually, I think he mentioned he had to pick up his great grandkids after the roll. " Dear God, shut up !! Stop ! Don't say another word.

" I'm not sure, but I think his arm was in a cast ." Oh, the humanity. The humiliation. Dear God. Strike him dead now !!! Now, dammit !!! Before he can say another word.
" Wow. You must have been really slow. Figures. You're totally out of shape. What did you do ? Eat the elephant at the temple ??" Punch her. Karate chop her now. Catch her neck. We'll make it look like suicide, I tell ya. There's no witness. We can leave the country before they find the body. C'mon, you can do it !!!! You can..
"Why are you grinning like a moron ? And why're you staring at my neck ? "
I smiled. Ok, fine. Grinned like a moron.
She shook her head and turned to head in. " Whatever... You coming in or what ? Dad and mom are waiting for you. "

I nodded sheepishly. I caught her smile as she turned away. Not quite a "ladki hassi to phassi" smile. More a "what a moron" smile. Sigh. Resigned, I once more took a deep breath to avoid the spasm of the back and with what I prefer to think must have appeared quite a majestic strut, I entered the house.

Note to self - get tongue checked. Possible diagnosis ? Disconnected from brain. That's right, doc. What about a temporary solution, eh chief ?
"Aunty, could I have a cup of boiling hot tea, thank you very much ?" He he. Good one. Show him who's boss.
As I took my royal steps in with my arched back , I couldn't help wondering - " I did not think this temporary solution thingy through properly. "