All you'll get for Christmas!!!

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Music Code provided by Song2Play.Com

From
Santa Claus
Ceo
Christmas,
North Pole,
Arctic
ToThe Elves
The floor below me
Toys 'R' "actually" us Inc.
North Pole
Arctic



Sub : Boost in team morale, Clarifications


With regard to earlier memos -
Friends and inferiors,

It has come to my notice that a lot of rumours have been running riot over the last couple of weeks across various faculties here in the North Pole, causing a serious drop in morale. This is very distressing, considering it's our time of glory again. It is thus, with great hope, that I wish to clear the muddy ice here and set the records straight on all the gossip going around.

• Yes, this year, we have decided NOT to handle any more deliveries of stuffed toys , cuddly bears and smiley toys. With the Health Inspectors coming down strongly on us due to the high risk of germ transfer from the fur, all stuffed toys are cancelled from kids wish list. To ensure customer satisfaction, we will be replacing all requests for stuffed cuddly toys with Magnums, .357s and other hand guns along with live ammunition. This is in accordance with our new policy to promote self defence among small kids in the big bad world down below. It has nothing, I repeat, NOTHING to do with our 'alleged' tie-up with the masked Arab jehadis who were in my office with huge crates last week. Remember, the kids safety comes first. Anyone who disagrees may meet me personally in my office where I still keep my Kalishnikov Ak-47.
• Free underwear will INDEED be given away at retail price during the Elves Christmas eve party. This is to recover the huge losses sustained due to the sudden decrease in demand for undies after the blonde singer / mom made it a fashion of not wearing any. Rest assured, she will pay for this. Any Christmas requests for her albums ( if any ) will not be entertained..the above requests are to be replaced with her ex-hubby's Cds ( presently being used as tea coasters in the Mail department. )
• Yes, Rudolph the reindeer will be more politically correct worldwide this year around after concerns of his "inclinations" were raised last year. He will indeed retain his Red Nose in China, Russia and certain areas in Kerala and West Bengal in India. He will however, have a Green Nose in Pakistan, a Saffron nose in India, a lime yellow in Kangaroo land and red-n-blue stripes in the US of A. He will also have a fluorescent thong while in Brazil, keeping in mind the Mardi Gras flavour required in Christmas festivities 'down there'.
• By 'Down there', I was referring to Brazil, not any anatomic region, as my secretary has just pointed out.
• In light of the infamous "Christmas of '05" incident involving a drunk Mrs Santa and an ex- employee of this department ( now boiling eggs for the Easter bunny ), this year while I'm away on Christmas distributing goodies, hope and trust around the world, Mrs Santa WILL be wearing a chastity belt . Kindly refrain from sticking your candy canes where they are not permitted ; no matter what Mrs Claus requests.
• It is imperitive that applicants for filling my place in department stores and schools know the basics about me - for instance, I am not Santa of 'Santa and Banta' fame, not Santa CLAWS, the jungle cat. Neither am I Tim Allen - he just played me in the movies, not vice versa. 'Santa' is also not just Da Vinci's anagram of 'SATAN' as has suggested by Dan Brown in his upcoming novel. The fact that I too wear red is a coincidence .I'm a jolly fat guy, not the devil. Grrrr !!!!
• It would be much appreciated if proper back ground checks were conducted on the people portraying me in department stores atleast this time around. Sex offenders and convicts on death row are NOT to be allowed to portray me this time. Colombian and Cuban Santas with suspicious white powder packets must be kept 'under surveillance' too.
• In predominantly African American regions, it is better not to laugh with a "Ho' ", experience has taught me. ( the cracked ribs have healed fine, incidentally ). Instead, just giggle girlishly. The thugs will leave you in peace then. Or so I hope.

That's it for now. Now stop reading and start packing gifts again, you bearded dwarfs!!!
Yours sincerely,
Santa Claus.
Website : I know if you've been naughty or nice, so you better watch out.blogspot.com
Ph : +97150-2512-BC ( base shifted to Dubai from 2006 because that's where all the franchises are heading )
P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!!