What's next, Mr God ?

Fear is inevitable.. at some stage we've all felt it. I'm not talking of the "jack-in-the-box" one second fear when someone scares u shitless!! This is the gnawing kind. the one that can't go away just by laughing. It remains there,rearing it's head the next time your mind hits a quiet moment. The fear of guilt, hatred,discontent.

I'm facing another one of their evil cousins right now. The fear of UNCERTAINITY. I'm finishing my house surgency this weekend and man, has it been a long time coming. Ask any med student and they'll tell you they've been studying 5 years too many. They aren't kidding. The road seems never ending..and the scary part is "LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN" are the sagely words of advice we're getting from our professorris!! oh man. That's scary. Really scary, because the big Q now looms ahead...WHAT NEXT?

I just love all those well meaning relatives who say "mone(son), now you get a pg. then you become a famous doctor and go to all foreign countries!!!" Aw shucks..just a plane ticket away ain't it? Everyone who hasn't been educated in the ways of the doctor seems to think it's a piece of cake. But damn, it ain't. It's the toughest thing yet because you've got 1 in 1ooo chances and that doesnt include le trip de UK / US. And even if we get a Pg, that still means 3 years without a salary. And the starting salaries after getting a Pg (say Pg surgery) .. a royal Rs 12,000 (~ $240 ) a month. Wow!! Which begs the question which has disillusioned most of my batchmates and juniors :- Should we have just joined a parttime call centre job and earned more with better priviliges and getting to have a LIFE!!!
There's something about being a doctor though that really makes you something in people's eyes. They see you differently. It's like you aren't a human being anymore..you're ONE OF THEM. the funny thing is "one of them" isn't a fixed expression.
It maybe with pure reverence, hands folded hanging on your every word as you tell them how you're gonna heal them. Those are the kind that make you feel you're worth something. the ones who instill a sense of confidence in you that you remember at the end of the day.
OR.... it maybe with that sneer that says "Who do you think you are, Mr smarty pants-with-white-coat-my-barber-also-wears?You live because i pay you. So attend to my needs !! Get my pills! Get my balm!! Get me a milkshake !!" We all come face to face with them..AIY YAI YAI.
Which is probably why developing a rhino-skin thickness is a must. To survive the ups and downs of this profession..to live.
They say a doctor never has money when he's young and needs it, but earns enough for his retirement plans..Well, as another bunch of starry eyed docs enter the world this week, here's looking forward to a peaceful retirement 40 years from now. Till then, it's SLOGGIN' TIME!!